By Myself

Good or Bad.  Solitude or Isolation.  Being by myself.

I spent time up in Door County, Wisconsin, and the Great North Woods of Minnesota last week. (I consistently forget how big the Great Lakes are.)

img_0417

Newport State Park, Door County, Wisconsin and Lake Michigan

Since it’s past Labor Day, the myriad parks in the area, were close to empty.  The solitude was the perfect opportunity to enjoy nature and meditate.  I meditated on the waves hitting the shore for over an hour.

This week I’m comparing that solitude to the feeling of alone and loss at home — my cat Emma has died.  She was quiet, but attentive, and the house feels much quieter and emptier without her small self.

It may be all about the label without judgment.  Or maybe it’s just grief.

I did not get That

I receive regular emails from the Zen Monastery Peace Center (Livingcompassion.org). This week it threw me for a loop:asters

Student: At a recent retreat, one of the facilitators mentione
d that
if I am not having fun, I am not practicing
awareness. So far my experience of practice is that it is hard… it’s not fun.

Teacher: For whom is it not fun?

“For whom is it not fun?”

What a profoundly simple question, and yet one that
has the power to confound us completely!

Read the entire post at http://us1.campaign-archive1.com/?u=32140a0081e9c5c40c022ccb2&id=c5fbbb3fc5&e=cffd5c43c0

Fun?  Huh.  I did not get that, let alone who was the one not having fun.

This one might take a while.

 

 

Autumn is Nigh

I’m ready for Fall.  I think.  autumnLike I have a choice in the matter or any way to control the change of seasons.  It does seem early, though, to see leaf changes.  I expect the real changes to be in October (the best month).

I don’t have nearly the problem with winter that a lot of people do, and it makes me think of the Serenity Prayer: “the things I cannot change.”

Unlike what most people think of as the goal of a prayer, I think this one is always talking to my self even though it starts out with the word “God.”

My biggest problem, of course, is the lack  of that “wisdom to know the difference.”

 

 

 

Stop Lookin’ at Me!

Wednesday a red-tail hawk landed on a tree nearby as I’m walking to my car in the work hawk at workparking lot.  It fluffed out its wings several times, so the movement caught my eye, and I took the picture.  Yesterday a hawk swooped between my house and the neighbor’s, right near where I was sitting on the deck.  Today I look out the window and one’s on my neighbor’s roof looking at me.  I was on the phone, so it was easy to get a picture. When does something you “see” become a “sign?” hawk on roof

According to Ina Woolcott on http://www.shamanicjourney.com/hawk-power-animal-messenger-discernment-intuition-observation-wisdom-courage-truth

The hawk’s gifts include clear sightedness, being observant, long distance memory, messages from the universe, guardianship, recalling past lives, courage, wisdom, illumination, seeing the bigger picture, creativity, truth, experience, wise use of opportunities, overcoming problems, magic, focus.

The Hawk represents a messenger in the Native American culture. It often shows up in our life when we need to pay attention to the subtle messages found around us, and from those we come into contact with. As with all messages received, it is important to recognise the messages underlying truth. We will be taught to be observant and also pay attention to what we may overlook. This could mean a talent we aren’t using, a gift or unexpected help for which we haven’t shown our gratitude for, or a message from the Universe. As there are so many hawk varieties, the messages vary and can affect all levels of our psyche.

Beliefs and meaning can be personal, cultural, or universal (as far as human perspective of the universe…).  I’ve used the hawk to remind my self to use my tools, like the hawk uses the air currents to circle in the sky while it searches for food.

I’m still debating if I’ve just seen these hawks or if they’re signs.

 

Are we all connected even if I don’t believe it?

IMG_0359In a meeting last week someone commented on how her compulsive eating affected others.  I have been stumbling around in an unknown and in a quandry.  I  would say I believe that all things are connected.  Yet I’m finding a resist accepting that my behavior — all of it, any of it — affects others unless I intend for it to.  Intention including both nice and mean.

Of course the universe thought it would be funny to send me a relevant email this week:

“We have to wake up to the fact that everything is connected to everything else. Our safety and well-being cannot be individual matters anymore.  If “they” are not safe, there is no way that “we” can be safe. Taking care of other people’s safety is taking care of our own safety. To take care of their well-being is to take care of our own well-being. It is the mind of discrimination and separation that is at the foundation of all violence and hate.”
–  Thich Nhat Hanh

The Flow

IMG_0380

Who am I to expect my life to be completely smooth flowing?

Why do I think I am exempt from pirate attack?

Will I ever stop writing the same post over and over?

Yesterday was awful.  The “in my head” theatre was playing the world’s worst play.  Even though I was starring in the play, I hated it. In the moment I would have said I hate all of these people who are bugging me.  But I remember today that they are not real.

The irony of this truly absurd theatre was that I attended American Players Theatre on Friday night and saw Stoppard’s Arcadia.  If you know the playwright, Stoppard, at all, his language and settings require full-on concentration.  I kept widening my view back to see the actors on stage, the lights, and the back-lit trees and dark sky above us.  The bats swooped in and around catching dinner.  I enjoyed being in the audience as much as the play.

That should really be my goal.  Learn and practice widening back to see the “in my head” theatre for just what it is.

Loud Cars and Other Resentments

Number-Zero-0-4110-large

Zero days without pirate attack

One of my neighbors has a loud car.  An on-purposely loud muffler.  That’s an oxymoron for sure.  I get irritated at his revving at each going and coming.  I lay in bed at 11:30 thinking, “Turn it off you stupid, f—-r.” I assuage my resentment with the belief that his penis must be teeny-tiny, that’s he’s compensating.  Then I remind myself that he has no idea I feel this resentment, irritation, and anger.  It’s all “theatre in my head.”

A friend told me yesterday that when she does this kind of internal rant, she reminds herself that the irritant is her higher power (or maybe she said it was a reminder from her higher power…).  If she can let go of the resentment, the person who bugs her always goes away or stops doing the irritating thing.

I know this to be true.  I’ve done it in the past.  I have a good story for proof. It’s just that it takes me claiming full ownership of the creation.  It seems I’m just now willing to do that yet..

 

Comfort

I like hanging clothes on the line.  clothes_lineI like watching them flap in the wind and spin around on my space-saver line. I like the magic of sunshine making my white t-shirts glow.  I really like the smell after they’ve been on the line.  Weather permitting,  I always hang my pillow cases on the line.

I’ve started noticing things like this and taking a few moments to stay with the feeling.  It reminds me of ban Breathnach’s book from the 80’s, Simple Abundance.  Notice simple, comforting acts, grow them, and keep them in your life.  Like a barefoot walk on the grass when there’s still dew in the morning. Take a nap on a warm summer day, have a root beer in a big mug.

Think about it:  What has brought you comfort today?