One of my neighbors has a loud car. An on-purposely loud muffler. That’s an oxymoron for sure. I get irritated at his revving at each going and coming. I lay in bed at 11:30 thinking, “Turn it off you stupid, f—-r.” I assuage my resentment with the belief that his penis must be teeny-tiny, that’s he’s compensating. Then I remind myself that he has no idea I feel this resentment, irritation, and anger. It’s all “theatre in my head.”
A friend told me yesterday that when she does this kind of internal rant, she reminds herself that the irritant is her higher power (or maybe she said it was a reminder from her higher power…). If she can let go of the resentment, the person who bugs her always goes away or stops doing the irritating thing.
I know this to be true. I’ve done it in the past. I have a good story for proof. It’s just that it takes me claiming full ownership of the creation. It seems I’m just now willing to do that yet..
Driving into my garage Friday after work, I caught my mind in the middle of a story. Its favorite activity. I reminded myself (verbally, out loud, again) that that was a world all encompassed within the eight inches between my ears. I noticed my perspective shift to size that space compared to my garage, then my front yard, my street and on out. Yet that interior world was so compelling and seductive, I almost slipped back into it.
I started watering the pots of flowers on my front porch (90-degree temperatures require daily heavy watering). I noticed the white geraniums and remembered an Avatar tool the intent of which is to intensify your attention on an object. I put all of my attention on the flowers. I noticed attributes of the flowers I hadn’t before: the amount of buds, the bend of a stem, the browning flowers past bloom, the spicy smell, the curves of the leaves, the different stages of each bloom, and more. Not only was I no longer in my head dancing with that story, but I couldn’t even remember what the story was. Bliss…
This is such an easy practice tool to do in the summer. There’s so much blooming and changing quickly. I stopped the car on the way home from errands Saturday morning just to notice the grasses and flowers (weeds?) on the side of the road. What a huge variety! What a joy it is to focus on everything around me and not my little idea of me.