50 days abstinent and the emotions are roiling.  You don’t know why you’re eating [compulsively] until you stop eating.

My number one emotion lately is anger.  Turns out I had chocolate-covered rage. That’s what those bags of Brach’s Double-dipped chocolate covered peanuts really were.  I have no reason.  It’s just there.  I did learn one interesting thing by sitting out on the deck and just feeling it charge through my body.  I thought I had to be alone with my anger because I was “dangerous.”  Huh???  When I ask myself if that is true, I have to answer no.  But it still feels pretty solid.  Maybe memory-foam like solid.  Read my poem at Poetiosity.

The other emotion is grief.  My oldest cat, Delilah, died yesterday.  She was 16 and had a great kitty life even if she was a total butt-kitty.  I’m missing her, and I am so tired.  I found this great explanation online:

“Your body is so very wise. It will try to slow you down and invite you to authentically mourn the losses that touch your life. The emotions of grief are often experienced as bodily-felt energies. We mourn life losses from the inside out. In our experience as a physician and grief counselor, it is only when we care for ourselves physically that we can integrate our losses emotionally and spiritually. Allow us to introduce you to how your body attempts to slow you down and prepare you to mourn your life losses.”   From GriefWords.com

“And no one ever told me about the laziness of grief.” – C.S. Lewis