“As long as we’re in relationship with the voices, nothing we do “counts.” No matter what we do, the behaviors are compared to an imaginary “way I really am” and are used as proof that I am what self-hate says I am.
I work hard, I’m kind to those around me, I even volunteer to assist those less fortunate, but the voices quickly point out that I’m pretending to be a good person. I’m faking kindness and concern, while deep down I’m selfish and judgmental—not to mention lazy, incompetent, greedy, and hateful.
How does self-hate come up with all that? It’s projecting. It says I am what it is.
And just in case that doesn’t do the trick, self-hate says that the fact that I “have” self-hate is proof there’s something wrong with me!”
After I read that, I realized one belief holding me back from letting go of the critical voices is my attachment to the “positive” voice: the one that says, “You’re the smartest one here!” “You see what the others don’t!” . . . and more. BUT, they are like the god Janus; they are two sides to the same coin, and neither is real.
Honestly, this is frightening. The positive voice has been what I relied upon my whole life to overcome the feelings from the negative voice of unworthiness and shame. As I breathe into the idea of letting them both go, I appreciate all they have done for me over the years, but it’s time they retired. Maybe to a nice little place where they can sit side-by-side on the Gulf coast.
Read the entire post and archive here: http://blog.thezencenter.org/from-the-guide