Days Without Pirate Attack:

My list of “should have known better because I know me fairly well” would be pretty long. I went to the Piggly Wiggly, AKA the Pig, Sunday morning. It was full, of course, with pre-game and gonna-snow-later shoppers, and I only went to get canned milk to make fudge. As I get near the crowded checkout lines, a guy on the phone is blocking the aisle. In my smart-ass mode, I mutter, “Hang up and drive.” He responds, “You don’t have to be rude.”

I turned around, went right up to his face and said, “Yes, I do, because you’re the dumbass on the phone.” He repeated, “You don’t have to be rude.” Pithy, right?

Yes, I feel guilty that I couldn’t hold a response. I couldn’t just notice it and let it go. I’m still responding and taking pride in my greater guts and thinking I’m right.