Probably a result of helping

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Days Without Pirate Attack:

Maybe because it’s Friday.  Maybe because it’s snowing, raining, sunny, and windy all in the same day (it’s a Midwest thing).  More likely it’s fr om helping two separate people yesterday.  With both, I was able to stay present and caring.  I went to bed feeling very good and this morning was able to start practice right up.  I even stayed present while driving.

On to the weekend!

Practice Appreciation and Gratitude

Still at zero.

I didn’t have as difficult a day as Boston did, but I believe we are one consciousness.  I believe that how I feel and what I think and what I do affects all others, as they affect all others, too.  My goal today is appreciation and gratitude, starting with myself.

Full disclosure:  I lost it this morning behind a driver who doesn’t understand the “right turn on red when no opposing traffic is coming” concept.  I don’t understand why poor drivers bother me so much and, obviously, I’m still back there at the intersection!

The universe encourages do-overs. Return to gratitude and being here, now.

Must have been a ghost ship. . .

zero

Days Without Pirate Attack

Friday afternoon – wham-o! An attack of self-judgment and loathing that took me through Saturday – seemed to come out of nowhere.  Now that I have been diligently practicing, I was a little bit surprised that it seemed to come without a trigger or any specific interaction.  Most people would name what happened as an “anxiety attack.”  I took a walk and tried to mentally re-trace my steps to see if I could spot the point when the brigands where on the horizon, but I couldn’t.

I did pretty well giving myself some kindness and comfort over the weekend, so back to practice this morning and a new day.

Why do I think this is not beautiful?

“The first question I ask myself when something doesn’t seem to be beautiful is why do I think it’s not beautiful. And very shortly you discover that there is no reason.” – John Cage

John Cage is an American composer whose most well-known/controversial piece is 4′33″.  The Wikipedia entry describes it as “performed in the absence of deliberate sound.”   I like that adjective:  deliberate.  Another way I’d describe this piece is a shift in point-of-view.  He forces the audience to listen to the sounds they create and the venue’s ambient sounds as the musicians sit holding (rather than playing) their instruments.  When I read his quote about beauty, it shifted my point-of-view and gave me another exercise for deliberate practice.

There is an Avatar exercise in ReSurfacing in which you notice how your attention is attracted to or repulsed by objects (people, etc.).   It’s another rainy morning, 36 degrees, here in Madison.  The weather went from cold and snowy all the way through the start of April to rainy and grey today.  I think we’ve had one day of warmth and sunshine so far this spring.  There are still some crusty snow piles lurking. As I walk around mushy grey-green grass, sodden leaf puddles, and soppy litter, I’m repeating his words in my head, “Why do I think this is not beautiful?”

I experienced it as an easy way to remain present while expanding my point-of-view.  Rather than put a long description here, I’ll leave it to you to explore the experience yourself.  It doesn’t require a long walk, just a mind-shift.

It’s not enough to just read the book

Days Without Pirate Attack

Days Without Pirate Attack

As a writer and avid reader I will always love books.  I love every flavor of book from twenty-page poetry chapbooks to Plumbing How-to Guides to 700-page novels.  I’ve bought plenty of spiritual (aka self-help) books over the years.  I don’t think I’ve ever been given any, but I’ve given plenty away.  My favorite books to give away include Illusions by Richard Bach, Conversations with God by Neil Donald Walsh, There is Nothing Wrong with You by Cheri Huber, Living Deliberately by Harry Palmer, and (new one) Daring Greatly by Brene Brown.  Sharing a book that offered you insights is a great pleasure, especially when the person you gift comes back to you with gratitude.

I’ve realized, though, that while reading the book sometimes does change the way you think, most of the time it is only a superficial, intellectual experience rather than a life experience.  (I can’t tell you how many books warned me about that!)  To get the full value of any spiritual book, I have to do the exercises, try the examples!  Yes, there it is again:  practice.

Here’s my mode:

  1. Read the passage.
  2. Vet it:  examine it intellectually first.  Really sit and think about it. Do I believe it?  Is it attractive to try?  Am I afraid to try it? (Fear is usually a big pointy red flashing arrow that says I should.)
  3. Schedule a time to do the exercise or do it right then.
  4. Think about what I learned from the exercise.
  5. Determine if this exercise could be added to my practice (daily, weekly, ad hoc, etc.)

Honestly, I don’t do this with every book, and it can mean it takes a long time to finish the book.  But if the author moves me, I know I will get much more from the book if I do what they suggest.  I remember Thich Nhat Hanh describing how to do a walking meditation in Peace is Every Step.  His words are very powerful, but I can’t quote any of them from memory.  What I do remember very clearly is putting those words into action walking down the driveway and up the street, tears streaming down my face while smiling.

I’m going to do that again right now.